I recently had a conversation with someone about forgiveness. They couldn’t let go of the pain they felt when someone close to them caused them great hurt. They were holding a massive grudge.
After our conversation, I realized that I have been holding grudges myself. I also realized that I was holding on to these grudges jealously, like they were lovers I couldn’t do without. I was a grudgemaster. Every time I would even think about letting them go, these thoughts would come to mind:
…but they hurt me on purpose…
…I’m still living with the emotional scars…
…they acted like they didn’t care…
…they don’t know how they ruined my life…
…if they just knew how they made me feel…
But truly, if I had to face the people who hurt me, or disappointed me, what good would it do to confront them with what they’ve done? I have done that before, and the closure was still not complete.
The closure wasn’t complete because I had not truly forgiven them. I just wanted to throw my pain at them and watch them suffer.
But they rarely did.
Sometimes they apologized, sometimes not.
People that hurt us can never take the pain back.
They can’t rewind time.
They can’t heal us.
And if we try to throw the pain back at them, it acts like a boomerang and comes right back to us.
Letting go of grudges is not easy. But holding on to them is much worse. And many of us hold grudges in secret. We know it’s not good for us, but we feel compelled to nurture them.
Grudges are one of the simplest ways the devil attacks us because all he needs to do is whisper the memory of the pain in our ears. Then he waits for our spirits to weaken, which opens us up for a larger attack. When this happens:
We lose our spiritual and emotional focus.
We stop trusting people.
We forget about the value of mercy.
We forget how to love unconditionally.
I mean to tell you that this is serious. We must learn how to forgive. And then let the pain go.
I know it’s easier said than done.
But remember that people that hurt you cannot continue to do so unless you continue to let them.