At various times I have gotten into heated discussions with someone (usually male) who says that I am a control freak.
Because I tend to acknowledge my faults, I think objectively when someone says this to me since this has been used to describe me on more than one occasion. I even ask my girlfriends about it.
Most of the time they say “You too? My husband and I just had a big fight and he said the same thing!” Then they proceed to tell me the conditions they laid out for their partners the next time they have an argument. Just kidding. Most of my girlfriends are not control freaks.
Nevertheless, I had to think about it, because it’s a running theme for most of the arguments I get into with my husband and we have a good relationship. So when I asked the Lord about it I thought I knew the answer I was going to get.
Me: “Jesus, am I a control freak?”
The Master’s voice in my heart: “No.”
Okay. Well that was unexpected.
Me: “Why do I seem to get upset at the unexpected and uncomfortable situations that arise?”
The Master’s voice in my heart: “You want to feel secure, and you can’t because you are afraid of suffering a loss. This happens when you place your trust in your circumstances instead of me.”
That made sense to me. I need to feel secure. I need to feel safe. I need to feel protected. And it all goes back to trust. If I really trust in the Lord, it doesn’t matter what my circumstances are. I must depend on Him alone for true security. What I have to learn to do is refocus my insecurity in my circumstances to security in Christ.
If you love someone, and they seem to be trying to control you or your actions in a way that seems over the top, find out what they are afraid of losing. They may not feel secure in the situation they are in-whether physically or emotionally. You may not be able to fix it. It may not be for you to fix. Depend on the Lord and pray with your loved one.
Insecurity usually has its root in fear. We all fear losing something or someone. However, when we put our trust in Jesus, we slowly lose the need to fear, and we become more secure. In Him.
…Perfect love drives out fear… (1 John 4:18)
The Lord is with you always. (Matthew 28:20)