LONELY

lonelydaisy

 

Everyone will experience loneliness at some point.

Even Christians who know better.

Actually, I’m in a lonely spot myself.

It doesn’t mean I don’t know that there are people who enjoy my company, coworkers who appreciate me, and a family that loves me and thinks I’m great.

And I know Jesus loves me!  (The Bible tells me so…) Really.  It does.

It’s just that sometimes I have moments of uninterrupted quiet that allow me to think on things that are tender or hurtful.  I’ll dwell on memories that I’d rather forget or mistakes that I have made that created pain in someone else’s life.  I’ll even have a moment of guilt for not meeting someone’s expectations (especially my own).

Or I’ll just feel disconnected.

This feeling of disconnect seems to happen when people around me seem to be having a great time sharing their day socially, while not necessarily including me in their conversations.  Or they may include me, but when they do I’ll say something awkward that makes me cringe. Writing comes so much easier for me.

Then there is the loneliness that comes from knowing I am different for seeing the world in a way that others may not see it.  For being saddened by people who don’t understand how precious life is.  And how short.

But I have learned that sometimes the disconnected feeling comes from God’s desire to speak to me in a certain way.  To set me apart from the noise because He has something He wants to tell me that I will need to know in order to live the best life possible.  We can’t always hear God when the noise level is above the whisper of a heartbeat.

So when these times of loneliness seem to overtake me, I embrace them.

There have been heart-wrenching seasons of loneliness when wave after wave of despair seemed to cut into my sanity.  But in these moments-just when I thought I couldn’t take the sound of blood rushing through my veins any longer-I heard His voice soothing me and telling me just what I needed to hear.

Sometimes, in these moments we seek counsel, and that’s fine.  I have done that.  Sometimes, in these moments we seek other people to hang out with, and that’s fine.  I have done that.

And sometimes we have tried to fill the loneliness with something a little “naughty”, or unhealthy and that’s not fine, but yes, I have done that, too.

But today what I’m asking of you is that you listen for God’s voice when you experience moments of loneliness. He may speak to you through a song, a conversation, a passage of Scripture, or a feeling.  He may tell you to be still or to stand up and dust yourself off.

So that’s what I’m going to do now. I’m going to close my eyes and listen. Who knows?  I may tell you what He said in my next post…

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “LONELY”

  1. If I were Superman, which I am not, Loneliness would be my kryptonite< which it is. I have to know my limitations, and solitude in small doses is okay, but more than a night or two, and I get a little nuts.

    Not that I automatically misbehave, but that becomes a real danger as temptation mounts. Usually, I just eat waaaay to much, make a big mess around the house that is hard to clean up, watch way too much TV (the noise and light are a poor substitute for relation, but when its what you got…). I try not to let Mrs. Agent X leave town more than two nights unless I have something very constructive to do with some bros.

    My dad was a loner. I kinda wanted to be like him, growing up. I have a lot of memories that seem lonely, but also fuzzy with age. I think I had friends alright… plenty. But I sure remember a lot of time spent in my head too. But then when I got divorced and my sense of HOME and of self was shattered and pulverized almost into dust, the loneliness became a demon of legion proportions that seemed to possess me. I have some memories of that time in my life, and some of THEM are of not remembering. I recall getting in my car and driving out to the stop sign at the corner and then wondering where I was going. Work? Church? To meet someone? I would break down in tears sooo frustrated and broken, then head back home and sit on my bed til I could figure it out. And yes, I did some misbehaving too. I was a mess. And my church opened up a dozen different cracks and let me fall through them!

    I am not going to run around blaming my church for my misbehaviors, but when the same people with hold a bit of cash from a bum on the corner for fear of "enabling" bad behavior, I really have a blistering sermon for them! "Divorce Care" is the biggest brothel in Lubbock, Texas and it is hosted by the church(es) of this town as the worst kept, least talked about secret you are likely to ever stumble on to. Show up for help, go home with an STD! Thank you church! I don't think that's what Jesus had in mind. But LONELINESS put me at grave risk, I know that.

    I am glad you wrote this post. Yes, you make yourself very vulnerable talking about this. So do I. But when these demons have a name, and the body of Christ takes to casting them out, we will be a lot better off. …and it's gotta start somewhere.

    X

    1. Thank you for insight and words of wisdom, X.

      I decided a long while ago that I was going to be an example of Christian transparency. I don’t know how Christians got away from allowing our humanity to show, but we can’t help others heal without admitting that we ourselves need healing. All sickness is not visible nor is all sin. The most tender moments I have had with people have come after I have earnestly heard them through my own spirit that has been broken by the same vulnerability, yet healed by the love of Christ. I can then assure them that they are truly not alone and no matter what, Christ’s love is still with them and will never be withdrawn. We all have thorns in our sides.

      May God continue to bless you, your ministry, and the people that see Christ in you each day!

      1. Ms. Sharon,

        I am so glad to see you visiting Fat Beggars. Enjoy your blog too. Seems like you don’t post a whole lot, but glad to find you and deeply appreciate your love for Jesus. Thanx for visiting and welcoming me to yours.

        If you like my stuff, I cant help but wonder if you wouldn’t enjoy BrookeM’s blog or Ms. Anita’s blog The Gathering Journal. These are a couple of Christian women I admire/respect. You may or may not have much interest in their blogs, but I like to promote good blogs and friendly people in the circle I run in. I may pass yours on once in a while too.

        Here are the links:

        https://choosingcompassion.wordpress.com/

        https://gatheringdevotional.me/

        Hope to see you around at Fat Beggars again soon…

        X

  2. It takes courage, and faith, to be as transparent as you are in your writings. Thank you for allowing your readers this peak inside “you”, for we may find ourselves in the process.

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